


Love or Lust: The Rewrite

by TWSD



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Awkward Crush, Crying, F/F, F/M, Minor Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Marianne von Edmund, Minor Sylvain Jose Gautier/Marianne Von Edmund, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Useless Lesbians, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25938427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWSD/pseuds/TWSD
Summary: Marianne Von Edmund is cursed, in more ways than one. There’s her crest, of course, cursed and dangerous to all who got near. But there was also her… Less than conventional desires. At least with those it didn’t cause misfortune and bad fate for those who came near. She could keep it hidden away. Well, not until she met Hilda Valentine Goneril, Sylvain Jose Gautier, and Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Kudos: 10





	1. White Clouds

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to retire the other fic and move forward with version, I want to write with more of a plot/feelings based story.

“Welcome to Garreg Mach!” The words still rang like buzzing in her ears while she stood alone in the hall. Garreg Mach Monastery, the place where many came to worship the goddess. The kind of place someone as unholy as her probably shouldn’t be, lest she curse anyone with her crest. Part of her couldn’t believe still that she was really here, that the Margrave was stupid enough to send her out into the public. Well, maybe stupid was a harsh word, but he  _ knew _ how dangerous she really was; knew about what happened to her real family, to anyone who got too close. Yet he had sent her here, and paid the archbishop good hush money as to not even mutter whispers of her crest. Here, no one knew. She wasn’t a cursed girl, she was just  _ a girl _ . Just Marianne. It felt freeing, Up until the reminder of her curse crawled up her back. Whispering into her ear that it was still  **there** , and that if anyone got too close, they’d just meet their  **demise** at her hands. Right, don’t let anyone get too close Marianne.

“Hey there!” A stranger approached, getting closer.

Marianne felt a blush spread to her cheeks, a very  _ voluptuous  _ stranger. Marianne couldn’t quite recall just how long she had this affliction, but she rationalized that surely it was because of her crest, just another cursed part of her. While some believed the goddess’ word read that a woman shall not lay with another of the same sex, she knew many said the opposite to be true as well. And, to be honest, she hoped it wasn’t the former way either, she didn’t want to be  _ that _ depraved in the eyes of Sothis. She couldn’t help the feelings though, whenever she went to the market with the Margrave she often caught herself staring and swooning sometimes, especially at the, um,  _ curvier _ women. There was something so alluring about another woman’s body.

Oh shit, she’s  _ close. _ And her huge chest even closer. Marianne backed away, not wanting to give the cute stranger a taste of her terrible crest. Still, she needed to say something at least, it’d be weird if she didn’t, considering this person went out of their way to greet her. She was far too uncertain to know why.

“Oh, um, hello.” Marianne said at a volume barely above a whisper, luckily the reception hall wasn’t full and crowded like it was earlier in the day, so at least her voice didn’t seem  _ too _ awkward or soft. At least she had hoped.

“My name’s Hilda! I’m a golden deer too!” The bouncy girl greeted. Oh, right, she forgot she had classmates for a second. People who might want to speak to her, or worse- Yup, the girl extended her arm for a warm welcome, but Marianne did not take it lest she wished the girl’s body to grow cold. A disturbing thought.

“Oh, um, how did you know?” Marianne spoke up without thinking. Damnit. She totally forgot that everyone had color coded handkerchiefs to signify their house today, since it was the first day for the students here. She wondered for what reason the girl had come up to her specifically still, was she doing this for  _ everyone _ from the Leicester Alliance? No. That’s way too many people to greet. For some reason this girl chose her. That thought made her heart feel warm, and beat quicker. Much less disturbing a thought.

“You’re handkerchief silly!” Hilda giggled. Oh. Oh goddess that laugh. It was...cute. Goddess it was cute. Goddess  _ she _ was cute. Oh goddess, please make her stay away.

Marianne backed up again, not wanting to give the alluring girl… No, Hilda, the terrible gift of her curse. “I’m, um, gonna go to my room now.” Marianne stressed up a bit as she realized just how awkward an adieu that was.

“Oh right! It is getting pretty late. I’ll see you around- Oh wait! I never got your name!”

Marianne still pondered on why Hilda came over to her. Just what was it that brought her over here? Hell, she even wanted her name. Maybe, just maybe, she found her just as cute as she did. Oh Marianne, you  _ wish. _

“Oh, um, It’s Marianne. Marianne von Edmund.” Oh gross, so formal, so not  _ cute _ .

“Oh! You’re Margrave Edmunds daughter?” Hilda bounced. Right, that’s what she had to say now, or else some snoopy scholars get suspicious of her origins.

“Yes, I am.” She replies oh so formally again. Dammit, you could at least try to sound cute for her Marianne.

“Well, if we’re gonna be so formal-” Oh goddess she  _ did _ sound stuck up. “-I am Hilda Valentine Goneril! Of house Goneril of course.” Oh. Hilda  _ Valentine  _ **_Goneril._ ** Aka Holst’s little sister, and here she was drooling over her.

“That’s nice…” She spoke solemnly without knowing what else to say. Shit. At least if she was being formal again she wouldn’t sound so awkward. Now she didn’t even want to speak, her voice sounded like forks being brought down on a plate in her head.

“Well, I’m sure you’ve got a lot to do, unpacking and all that… See ya!~” Hilda giggled again before walking away. And Marianne couldn’t help but do that thing again. The thing where she stared, stared at Hilda’s cute butt swaying in that  _ very _ short skirt of hers. Oh no, she was so  _ hot _ and they were in the same class. To make matters worse she had said “See ya.” Did that mean she expected to talk to her again?

**Oh no, oh no oh no oh no.** She looked away before those other thoughts came up too, the ones where she’d be in bed with the women, her hands moving across her curves _. _ Marianne turned away and composed herself before the heat in her cheeks travelled elsewhere. At least she didn’t lie to Hilda, she did have to unpack and all that. What an eventful day. Marianne could only wonder what the ones coming up would look like with Hilda around.


	2. Bookshelves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the girls picked a quiet spot, and picked up a book to read. Well, Hilda had, which took Marianne by surprise. Like she thought before, Hilda couldn’t possibly be that much of a reader. So she had her book, and Marianne-
> 
> Was gonna pick hers, until Hilda grabbed her shoulder and scooted her close. Oh goddess, oh goddess they were touching. She was so close, her breasts right there. Her cute little body right there, and, goddess, this room was getting hot. Hilda was right next to her and-
> 
> She’ll be taken by the curse.

To others, Manuela Casagranda was an alcoholic, hopeless romantic. But to Marianne and her fellow golden deer, she was now their teacher. One of the upcoming professors, supposedly the golden deer’s, had ran away when garreg mach students had been attacked while practicing. Apparently the man who saved them became the professor for the blue lions, so things switched up. In fact she remembered meeting him briefly while she lent Hilda her ear last evening. She was certainly, well, a talker. Marianne wasn’t much for conversation, so she hoped she was at least satisfied with a listener. But she knew she shouldn’t hope for that. What she should have been hoping for was for Hilda to find her boring and run off, so she wouldn’t be under the effect of her curse. You’re so lustful, Marianne. You only like her because she has a fat ass and perky tits. And a pretty face, and beautiful eyes, and a gorgeous smile, the most pleasing laugh, and- Oh goddess Marianne you are a mess. Charmed so soon by _one_ girl?

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Why do I have to clean the library?”

“It looks like you’re not busy.” I was quite busy sampling pastries, I’ll have you know!”

“Who wants to sort books, anyway? They’re so bulky and heavy, it takes forever to lug them around!” Goddess Hilda could talk, Marianne wondered how her thoughts offered her so many things to say. She thought maybe she just spoke what was on her mind, but if Marianne did that she’d be branded a freak. Well, she probably doesn’t think freaky thoughts like you do Marianne.

“Right, Marianne? You agree with me, right?” Hilda spoke up, this time not a complaint, seemingly held in some hope of sparking a conversation.

“N-no, I don’t mind it.” She spoke truthfully. Marianne, you sound like a _nerd_.

“Oh, you like cleaning, then? I will say, you look like someone who’d be good at it.” Hilda assumed.

“I, umm, well…” Oh goddess, she absolutely wasn’t

“In that case, it’s all yours! I’d only slow you down, if I’m being honest. As I always say, “If you want something done right, let someone else do it themselves.” No wait. Oh no, oh no no no no no no no.

“Right, I’m off to run some errands. I’ll leave all this in your capable hands!”

Capable...Wasn’t the word Marianne would use.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Hey, Marianne, are you- Whoa, what happened? This place looks even worse than before!… I didn’t even realize that was possible.” Of course it did.

“I’m sorry, Hilda. I just didn’t know the best way to organize the books while sorting.” Oh shit, she _really_ fucked up. Now Hilda was gonna yell at her and tell her just how useless and sad she really was. Now she’d no the truth of just what a burden Marianne von Edmund really was, she knew-

“Oh. Well, no way around it, I suppose. I’ll show you how it’s done. First, you have to decide where you’ll put each topic. Then, all of the books that don’t match that topic, remove them from the section. When you remove them, you need a temporary place to put them. Let’s put books on magic, here, books on swordsmanship, here. Once you’ve done that, you just put the books back in their sections. Like so!” Hilda explained in such a gentle and...non yelling matter. Seiros, it’s like every expectation she had of Hilda she managed to flip right back around. She was… Amazing.

“Wow, Hilda! That was incredible!” _You’re incredible_.

“Yeah, yeah, what kind of praise. Looks like in the end, I’m doing this whole thing on my own, hm?” Well, she couldn’t let her do it by herself! Don’t be stupid Marianne.

“Sorry. The least I can do is help you put them back on the shelf.” Marianne complied.

So she did, watching Hilda carefully as they took the sorted books and put them back on the shelves. She kept her eyes on her the whole time, just to make sure she was doing it right. Or at least that’s what she told herself. And that’s when Marianne realized she hadn’t even looked at the other girls passing through, only at _Hilda._ Well, it’s not like the other golden deer girls were anything to run home about. Leonie was very, well, masculine, to keep it short. And Lysithea… Was a child. Surely some girl outside of their house would catch her attention. Hilda hadn’t stolen her heart. She hoped, and prayed. Oh goddess, what was she gonna do with Hilda. Hopefully run, since they just finished up.

“So, what do you wanna do now?” Hilda questioned as they sat down in the library. Literally what was she gonna do? She doubted someone as properly groomed and dressed up as she wanted to go into the smelly stables, and brush and braid horse manes. Though Marianne certainly _wanted_ to. In fact she had met quite the stunning horse on the day before, Dorte, who she considered to be probably the best friend she had here. Animals were always easier to be friends with than people. And animals don’t suffer from her curse.

So now the question is what would Hilda want to do, and Marianne wasn’t that good at reading her. Or people in general, she often had a hard time finding what others wanted from her, and social cues were downright difficult to read at times. Luckily for her Hilda had been patient. Normally Marianne wouldn’t consider that a lucky thing.

“Um- what-”

“Shh.” Hilda quickly put a finger to the girls’ lips, granting her a blush from the surprised Marianne. “I asked what you wanna do, we’ve already done things I wanna do this week.”

Crap, what would Hilda want to do that she wanted to do as well? Maybe they could just relax...here in the library! No, she wouldn’t want to do that, surely Hilda wasn’t a reader. Oh Marianne, why are you so worried about impressing her? She couldn’t help that though, she had… Strong feelings for the girl. And they had just met only a few days ago.

“Um, we could go read, i-in here.” Marianne tripped over her words as she did her feelings. What a mess.

“Sure!” Was not the answer she expected. But it was much better than the “No thanks” and “Ew… No.” that her head had expected from the girl in pink. Oh well, this is good… Isn’t it?

So the girls picked a quiet spot, and picked up a book to read. Well, Hilda had, which took Marianne by surprise. Like she thought before, Hilda couldn’t possibly be that much of a reader. So she had her book, and Marianne-

_Was_ gonna pick hers, until Hilda grabbed her shoulder and scooted her close. Oh goddess, oh goddess they were touching. She was so close, her breasts _right there_. Her cute little body right there, and, goddess, this room was getting hot. Hilda was right next to her and-

_She’ll be taken by the curse._

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were so uncomfortable with- Marianne!” She shouted

She didn’t really remember what happened after she shot herself backwards, but, she must have fell one way or the other, considering she was on the ground and Hilda was next to her again. No wait, above her.

“Hey, say something.” Hilda patted her cheek. And she spoke the first thing on her mind, the first thing she could see. _Boobs._

Hilda laughed, of course. Oh how she loved the sound of that laugh. Oh how she loved, um, Hilda. She really did love her already. No no no no no no no. She can’t love her already, she can’t love anyone. It was just her body, the one Hilda held her close to as she picked her up and carried her. She was soft, yet strong all the while. She really was sexy, and Marianne felt herself get carried away thinking about how her hands would feel grabbing onto that body while they shared her bed. Yes, that was it. She wasn’t in love, it was just lust. And maybe if she kept telling herself that it’d be the truth. Because truthfully she couldn’t get close, so she’d just have to push her away. Maybe if she’d admit how disgusting she thought of her Hilda would back off. She didn’t have the strength to do it herself though, she just liked Hilda too much. Maybe even lo- No Marianne, it’s just lust.


	3. Prince Charming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It won’t be a burden, Sylvain and I would be more than happy to help.”
> 
> “Happy to help with what now?” Sylvain raised a brow as he stepped inside. Dimitri was quick to toss him a rake. All the way across the stables. Wow, he was strong.
> 
> “Just some cleaning, it shouldn’t take long with the three of us, we’ll go riding afterwards.”
> 
> “The three- oh!” Sylvain jumped a bit in surprise, he mustn't have noticed her, and to be frank she thought that a good thing considering the kind of reputation that man had built himself. “Anything for a lady.” He winked as he started getting to work. Marianne had to stifle a bit of a laugh, he had a better chance with Hilda than he ever did her.

“Um…”

“I just think it’s ridiculous, having to clean up  _ stables _ . Doesn’t professor Manuela know what a delicate flower I am?” Hilda threw her hair back while Marianne did all the work. She didn’t mind this though. She  _ never _ did. In here with the horses was where she preferred to be, and often stable time meant the knights making her clean up, which she preferred to do over anything else as well. She just made sure the tools she used stayed tucked away in a corner, lest someone grab them and meet misfortune. She could do this for Hilda, at the very least, since she had learned from such a young age. She was surprised she didn’t forget, considering the Margrave wanted her nowhere  _ near _ horses and such. He had always called them dirty creatures, and said he was much more comfortable with wyverns and the like. Marianne had never seen a wyvern outside of the ones patrolling the skies, but they seemed like awfully nice creatures.

“Hey, Marianne, you listening?” Hilda intrigues.

Oh, no, she wasn’t, not quite. She always found it hard to focus on anything in here other than the animals. “Um, sorry, I got lost in my thoughts…”

“Oh, that’s okay, but it’s a bit rude to not listen when someone talks to you ya know?” Of course, she  _ had _ disappointed Hilda after all it seemed. It was only a matter of time anyways, Marianne.

“I’m sorry Hilda, I’m just no good with conversation.” Marianne fluttered, sitting down on top of a crate while she made sure to listen intently to the way Hilda was likely going to berate her.

“I’m not asking you to talk, just to listen, I know you don’t like talking anyways.” She mumbled through a sandwich, and she had to wonder just where the hell she got that anyways, considering the dining hall wasn’t open to students again until dinner.

“I’m sorry…” Marianne could only apologize as the girl spoke down to her. “It’s… Just hard to concentrate with all this work.”

Hilda’s brows raised a bit, as she walked over. “It seems like you’re actually doing a fine job! Guess you’re just not good at the organizing thing~” She sits back down, but this time  _ next _ to her. She then gets up.

“You know, that’s the second time you’ve stood up when I sat down next to you.” Hilda admitted, before looking down into her sandwich. She was surprised she remembered that. She wasn’t sure if she should take it to heart or not, Hilda was a hard person to read, despite how bubbly she seemed it was blatant to see she was quite good at hiding her emotions. What those emotions are could be anyone’s guess.

“I’m sorry, people just… Make me uncomfortable.” Hilda didn’t though.

“So who doesn’t? Everyone’s a person.” Hilda giggled in her cute little laugh.

“Um...I suppose those who  _ aren’t _ people.” She admitted.

“Uh,  _ aren’t _ people?” Hilda’s eyes took a quizzical look.

“Yes.” She confirmed back.

“...” There was a short silence, while Marianne stared at the ground, feeling like Hilda’s eyes were piercing right through her.

“Um… What are things that aren’t people, exactly?” Hilda asked in curiosity, actually managing to stand up and stay standing for the first time since they entered the stables.

“Well…” She turns to the stable behind her, petting one of the horses. “I like the horses, they’re easy to be around.”

Hilda shrugs. “I think they’re a bit smelly though, don’t you? Seems like so much work for one animal.” Something most people thought, the Margrave included. Marianne for a second, felt like coming out of her shell, like she  _ had _ to say something to correct her. The words never seemed to come out though as she just spoke a quick “No.” In rebuttal.

There was an awkward silence before a voice spoke up from the entrance of the stables. “I didn’t think that horse would let  _ anyone _ touch her, she’s quite the feisty mare.” Noted the other house leader, Dimitri. Dimitri liked horses?

“Oh, um…” Marianne didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t often she got to talk about her interests, that was for the greater good though, she didn’t want to trap anyone in a conversation with her. She was never good with them.

“Hiii Dimitri~” Hilda jumped up, giving him a wink as he passed by her with a simple wave, walking over to… Marianne. She should have figured.

“Do you like horses?” He questioned something he already had the answer to, and Marianne could see so plainly it was to open conversation. “Um, I do.” she answered back, quick and to the point. She saw no reason it had to be any other way.

“They’re quite the majestic creatures, I’ve started taking up riding myself, it’s quite the thrill.” He kept trying to talk, trying to get something out of her. She couldn’t figure out if it was  _ just  _ to conversate, or if he wanted something else. Perhaps  _ her _ ? Oh, Marianne, who would want you anyways?

“That’s nice… I like riding too.” She felt like she could continue with something, almost, up until Hilda decided to butt in.

“Well, since you like horses so much my princeliness, how about you help Marianne while I go nap~” She said as a demand rather than a question.

“Unfortunately I can’t, I must be practicing with Sylvain soon-” Dimitri’s head shook, in likely relief to have an excuse.

“Oh Sylvain is coming?” Hilda rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m leaving then, see you later Marianne!~”

Of course she would. Hilda would never just, well, leave her alone.

“You’re more than welcome to join us, Marianne.” The prince seemed to request.

Her heart jumped at the idea of going riding again, something she hadn’t done in oh so, so, long. Yet she couldn’t, Hilda left her here with all the work, and she felt overwhelmed as she realized just how much she had to do. “I can’t.” She answered solemnly.

“Oh, the work… How about Sylvain and I help you so that you may ride with us? Does that sound nice?” He smiled. Oh. He kind of had a cute smile.

“Yes, but I don’t want to burden you guys with all this work… Didn’t you say you couldn’t?” Marianne had to answer truthfully, she didn’t want to drag the two down with her in this trouble she had pulled herself into.

“It won’t be a burden, Sylvain and I would be more than happy to help.”

“Happy to help with what now?” Sylvain raised a brow as he stepped inside. Dimitri was quick to toss him a rake. All the way across the stables. Wow, he was strong.

“Just some cleaning, it shouldn’t take long with the three of us, we’ll go riding afterwards.”

“The three- oh!” Sylvain jumped a bit in surprise, he mustn't have noticed her, and to be frank she thought that a good thing considering the kind of reputation that man had built himself. “Anything for a lady.” He winked as he started getting to work. Marianne had to stifle a bit of a laugh, he had a better chance with Hilda than he ever did her.

Time passed surprisingly quick, as the three of them raked and shoveled and tidied up the horses’ living space. It wasn’t long until Marianne found herself out there with the two, on Dorte’s back, training lance in hand. She had never held a weapon before, save for the garreg mach standard saber she had tucked under her bed the minute it came into her hands. At least she had Dorte to keep her mood up.

“You see, it’s just a simple matter of keeping stability.” The professor lectured the three as they striked on fake targets across the field. Oh goddess, she was no good. She should have just told them no and stayed behind to clean, should have just-

“Hey, you’re pretty good at this…” Sylvain rode up to her side, giving a wink.

She ignored the flirt and kept moving forward, she knew he had to have been lying despite being so confident in his voice. It’s what he did to his girlfriends before, and Marianne hadn’t planned to become his next victim, she’d never admit it to him but she didn’t fancy any man, and certainly not him.

“I mean it you know.” He tried to keep up, which he seemed to surprisingly struggle with doing. “You’ve hit every target, and you haven’t dropped your lance once.”

She stopped Dorte, and let out a huff before turning around to face him. “I’m not… In any real battle, I’d be dead already.” Part of her wished she was right now, conversing with the womanizer was, uh, a tussle.

“Don’t say that.” He winked  _ again _ . “You’re much better at this than you think, you know.”

Right, was he gonna say that when he got her in his bed too?

“I’m going to retire for the night. Goodnight Sylvain.”

“Well then, my timing couldn't be better.” He kept following. “I was just heading into town, and I thought maybe you'd like to join me?” Thankfully, she had an excuse for this one.

“Um… I don't think I should.” She wasn’t allowed to travel far after all.

“I heard a story once about a beautiful maiden who was locked up in a monastery day and night. She was held prisoner by her own fear of the outside world. Then a brave knight set the girl free and took her to town where they drank tea and talked for hours. So, my fair maiden…” Oh goddess was he talking about her? She wondered if she knew the truth about her, if he’d still be saying the same thing. The only thing that had to be feared was her. The only possible way to set her free would be to bring her to the hands of the goddess.

“Please, you should not waste your time on me. Besides, my adoptive father requested that I not stray too far from the monastery.”

“Margrave Edmund wants to keep you locked up, huh? I've heard he's… Let's call it ambitious. Well, just tell him who I am. I think he'd approve. I'm heir to House Gautier, one of the most prominent families in the Kingdom. I've got a Crest, I've got money, and I'm stunningly handsome.” She felt what might be a smile creep up on her face as he described himself as handsome. To any other woman, maybe. Ugh, the last thing she wanted was to entertain him with the idea of getting out to town together. “What's that face for, Marianne? Was it the handsome thing? I can see how that might have been a bit much.” Maybe a little, Sylvain, but it was the other things too. She didn’t care for his money, and certainly not any crest.

  
  


“I...I don't really know you all that well, but I don't think it makes a difference. I mean, it doesn't really matter to me that you have a Crest.”

“Oh, no—no—no. I didn't mean you should find my Crest impressive. I meant your family would, and— You know what? Maybe I should start over.” Right. As if that’ll change anything.

“If you're going into town, please just go without me.”

“Oh. Okay. I've got to get going anyway. Places to be, ya know. Well, this is me going… But remember… Should you ever need me, I will forever be your knight, my maiden.” Her- what-? She didn’t have time to question it as he rode off in the distance.

“Scared him off so soon?” Dimitri chuckled, riding up as well. Goodness, could she ever catch a break today?

“I wonder what he meant by that…” She mumbled before turning to Dimitri. “That’s for the best.”

“I’m… Not sure what you mean by that.” He seemed to genuinely ponder, before the trigger in his head turned on. “Ah. So you’re aware of his, well, let’s say reputation.”

She nodded, but then shook her head.

“I just think it’s best others don’t get too close to me.” She admits.

“And why is that?” Dimitri put his fingers to his chin, as if he really couldn’t get what she was saying. The less people knew the better anyways.

“Um, I’m afraid it isn’t anything you should concern yourself over.” She huffed, before bringing her faux weapon down upon another target.

His eyes went a bit wide as he watched. “You have… Quite some skill.”

Oh. Oh no. Sylvain she believed could tell a lie.  _ Dimitri? _

“You can’t possibly mean that.” He couldn’t, right? What could she possibly be good at?

“I do, your lance work is incredible. Not to mention your riding skills, they are quite superb.” As Dimitri smiled before turning his horse back towards the stables, she couldn’t help but pursue.

“Um… You really think so?” Her arms shrink into herself, as if her mentality made her  _ physically _ reject the compliment.

“Of course.” He gives a nod. “Frankly I can’t see why you doubt it.”

Well, the truth then. “I’m… Not good at very many things, and I’ve certainly never held a lance before. I’m…” Just no good, Marianne. 

“I see. But you have held a broom before have you not? And a rake? I see the way you handle them, it’s no surprise that it comes to you so simply.” At that she could feel her eyes well up with the force of emotions coming out. She had never been complimented so sincerely, not since the days before Marianne von  _ Edmund _ , before... Before her parents had… 

“Marianne!” He shouts out in sudden 

“I- I’m sorry!” She sniffles while tears rain over her uniform. “I-I need to go!”

Even Dimitri had trouble keeping up with the way she sped off. Leaving him to ponder just what it was he said that had made her so upset, or was it something else? Marianne was certainly a bit of a strange girl, always hiding what she felt. To others the gossip was that she was only here to marry off to some rich noble. Well, the Margrave Edmund wanted that at least. But Dimitri knew that her quiet nature was more than just the need for secrecy… It was something else indeed. He wasn’t dumb, and he knew what it felt like. He could see that darkness in her eyes. And he wondered if she could see his.


	4. Bottles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, in the end, I did it all by myself.” Hilda pouted again, obviously in disappointment. How could she not be? Marianne failed to help her again.
> 
> “I'm sorry that I was no help. I just got in your way.” That’s all she ever did. She knew what to expect next. The berating. The yelling.
> 
> “It's fine. We'll even it out with pastries.” Wait- Pastries?
> 
> “You want me to get you pastries? I guess I can.” Well, how could she mess up getting pastries?

“E-excuse me. I have some more supplies that just arrived for the infirmary.” Oh no, Hilda was here?

“Oh, there were more? I thought I'd gotten them all.” Hilda’s eyes roll back.

“I just have bandages and other small things, but there might be more coming.” Marianne stood with her arms at her sides, unsure of how else to approach this. Clearly Hilda wasn’t too happy.

“Well, I just got the boys to bring in the heavy bottles. Looks like we can't fit all of it without some rearranging though. You know, if you'd arrived earlier, you could have helped me tidy up.” She felt a little bit stung by the words. She knew she _should_ have, would have, if she felt like getting out of bed this morning. Part of her didn’t even expect to see Hilda here, since she usually got some boy to do her job, so she didn’t exactly feel the need to impress anyone. Wait. Why was she trying to impress Hilda?

“My apologies.” Marianne fessed up for disappointing her, again.

“I don't really need your apologies. I need your help.” Oh, of course. Don’t be stupid Marianne.

“Oh, Okay. How can I help?” She mumbled while getting close.

“How can you help? I said "tidy up," didn't I? See the shelves there? See if you can clear out some space and tuck away the bandages.” Marianne really was clueless. Was she so dumb that she couldn’t even listen to simple instruction?

“I can try…” That’s all she could ever do. Though this didn’t look exactly easy. There wasn’t much room, and the bottles- Ah!

“Hey! Careful, Marianne. There's some strong stuff in those bottles.”

“I'm sorry. I-”

“No, look, just leave the bandages for now, and move the bottles from the shelf.” Right. She can do this. Don’t disappoint.

“I can do that… Ah! Now the bandages fell!” Goddess, she really was useless.

“Aaagh! No!” Hilda pouted.

  
  


* * *

“So, in the end, I did it all by myself.” Hilda pouted again, obviously in disappointment. How could she not be? Marianne failed to help her _again._

“I'm sorry that I was no help. I just got in your way.” That’s all she ever did. She knew what to expect next. The berating. The yelling.

“It's fine. We'll even it out with pastries.” Wait- Pastries?

“You want me to get you pastries? I guess I can.” Well, how could she mess up getting pastries?

“You seem so thoughtful and composed, but you're surprisingly clumsy. It's such an odd mix, I practically have no choice but to take over for you.” Oh, is that how she saw her? Thoughtful and composed. How laughable.

“You're right... I'm sorry.” Sorry for not doing enough. Sorry for being such a burden.

“Don’t be sorry, just-” Hilda pauses. She knew what she’d say next. Just do better next time. Just stay out of my way. She knew that’s what terrible monsters like herself deserved. “Just don’t worry about it too much, okay?”

“Oh.” And all she could say was oh, she didn’t know what else _to_ say. How could Hilda tell her not to worry, after she already failed her so much!

“Well, I’ve got to get going. See you around Marianne!”

Right, see you around.

Well, she would actually, considering she still had to bring her pastries. That way, at the very least she could earn forgiveness.

* * *

“I see, so you think she’s disappointed in you over the situation?” The man with green hair questioned, while noting something down on his board. She thought it was nice for the man to have offered her his ear, though she couldn’t figure out why. Had Dimitri gone off and told him she had cried? Not a great thought really. At least Seteth was a holy man, so she could at least trust what he said a little bit.

“How could she not be? I… Failed her. Twice.” Marianne mumbled. She still couldn’t figure out why she was trying so hard to get a good impression with her.

“Well, what makes you believe that to be so true? I wouldn’t go and assume the worst, not everything is as awful as it seems.” He shuts his eyes for a second before opening them again. “People may raise their voices or talk in rude ways but it doesn’t mean they’re disappointed, just a little heated in the moment. Don’t you ever feel that way sometimes? Not just angry, but, sometimes you react to something quite strongly when an event evokes a strong feeling from you.”

She pondered on it for a moment, before letting out air from her nose. “Of course, doesn’t everyone?”

He nods. “Exactly, so I don’t believe it to be wise to assume she’s out against you. After all, does she not talk to you still? I saw her chatting with you just the other day. I don’t believe someone would go out of their way to approach someone if they found them undesirable to be around.”

“I- um, it’s not much of a conversation, I just listen to her talk.” She mumbles. Surely what he says isn’t true. She’s just doing it to be nice.

“Some people prefer listeners over conversation partners… Especially those who talk a lot.”

She couldn’t help but giggle at the jab he made at Hilda, she really did talk a lot.

“And if she’s talking to you, well, I’m sure she doesn’t harbor ill feelings over what had transpired.” She wanted to say he was wrong. That she was cursed and all of those other terrible things, that all she truly was, was a mere burden. But being the archbishops second he knew that didn’t he? He knew about her terrible crest… And he still treated her like a human being. Part of it gave her hope. Hope that she wouldn’t be a weight on others. Hope that she can make it up to her.

“Um… Thank you Seteth.”

He nodded, understanding of what she exactly meant.

“It stays between us, I promise you.”

She smiles at him before taking a turn down the hall and leaving. For once she felt a little… Human. She felt hopeful.

  
  



	5. Tower of Black Winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marianne walked awkwardly with the iron lance tight in her grasp prepared for anything she thought, but the fight came sooner than expected as they came up the stairs. It all felt like a blur as they went higher and higher. There was… So much violence. Crimson spilled out onto cold stone. Steel clashed against steel, blades running over skin and spilling open the insides. It was too much, she never watched a person die since-
> 
> “Marianne!” Dimitri called out as one of the rogues charged in her direction. Dimirti jumped in front of her, taking the first blow, yet giving her an opening to strike back. Her blood boiled, they hurt Dimitri. That terrible crest showed itself as she held the lance steady and plunged it into her enemies face. And through his unfortunate skull. Blood sprayed out from both ends, the man’s body seizing up before it collapsed. That’s all he was now. A body.
> 
> She had just killed a man.

“You… You want  _ me _ to come with you?” Marianne’s jaw went agape as the professor sipped from his cup of tea.

“Mercedes has been getting a little overwhelmed, and we don’t know what to expect at the tower. Some knights will be accompanying us, but I could really use the help. I prefer my students stay… Alive.” He was so stark, and to the point. She liked that.

“I understand. Um… I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise I’ll be any good.” Marianne’s arms fold into her lap.

“Very well. We leave at dawn, so gather any belongings you may need for tomorrow. Goodnight Marianne.” He said finally, before bringing his attention back to his beverage.

“Goodnight Professor.” She spoke before turning back to her room. Up until this point she’d never been in real combat before. The thought scared her, but at worst she gets the peace she’s been praying for, and at best, well, none of the blue lions die. She wouldn’t dare let anyone go down because of her. She wondered if she should have said some farewells to everyone else. She never even got Hilda those pastries…

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“The enemy is close by.” Gilbert reminds everyone of the impending battle. “We're almost to the top floor.”

“They are merely thieves, but they have a Hero's Relic. Do not drop your guard.” Dimitri commands while leading the charge. A hero’s relic. Marianne has heard of them obviously, but save for the professor’s shiny new sword, she’d never lay her eyes on one in person. Just how strong were these things for someone to go and steal one? Surely they realize the consequences of stealing a kingdom treasure.

“Don't hold back for my sake. My brother is going to pay for everything he's done.” Sylvain pushed forward as well. She wondered how he had the strength to do this. Would he have to end up doing it? Driving his blade into his brother’s heart? War was so terrible.

Marianne walked awkwardly with the iron lance tight in her grasp prepared for anything, she thought, but the fight came sooner than expected as they came up the stairs. It all felt like a blur as they went higher and higher. There was… So much violence. Crimson spilled out onto cold stone. Steel clashed against steel, blades running over skin and spilling open the insides. It was too much, she never watched a person die, not since-

“Marianne!” Dimitri called out as one of the rogues charged in her direction. Dimirti jumped in front of her, taking the first blow, yet giving her an opening to strike back. Her blood boiled, they  _ hurt _ Dimitri. That terrible crest showed itself as she held the lance steady and plunged it into her enemies face. And through his unfortunate skull. Blood sprayed out from both ends, the man’s body seizing up before it collapsed. That’s all he was now. A body.

She had just killed a man.

Not with her crest, not by misfortune, but with her own hands. She dropped to her knees, begging for repentance. “This is no time to cry. You’ll be putting your life in danger.” Felix stood on guard as he and Dimitri moved over to her. “Marianne…”

“Goddess forgive me, Goddess forgive me…” She mumbled over and over on her knees.

“The captain's in trouble! Hurry up, you fools!” One of the bandits shouted out, while more enemies came from behind her.

“Enemies approach from the lower floor! Watch the rear flank!” Gilbert shouts out. But that was her, she had to stop them. It was us or them.

That first man hadn’t been the last life she took on that day. It wasn’t the last time others died at her hands. She was a killer. A monster like she knew. And now everyone could see it too.

“Why have you come, you Crest-bearing fool?” Miklan shouts out to someone who he was only connected to by blood.

“I'm here for the Lance of Ruin, Miklan. Hand it over. I don't want to humiliate you, but I will.” Sylvain persists as the rest of the blue lions make their way up.

“Hmph! Hurry up and die already. If not for you... If it hadn't been for you…”

“Shut up! I'm so tired of hearing that. You've always blamed me for something that isn't my fault.” It was so strange to hear this argument, like it was something that should be taking place over a dinner table. Not in a fortress, not with weapons in hand. Did they have to fight? Did Miklan really have to go this far? Did any of this have to happen? Did she really have to kill those men…

Then  _ something _ happened. Miklan refused to admit defeat. Something in that lance had  _ transformed  _ him. Into a twisted and terrible monster, it roared and howled, just like any other animal. Just like a beast. Miklan- no, that beast even killed its own men.

“What the–Miklan?! Is that you?!” Sylvain shouted out, not to Miklan. He wasn’t there anymore. “What is that? It’s like watching a bad dream come to life…” 

  
  


The blue lions jumped into action, even Sylvain, as the beast clawed and scratched. Yet she couldn’t even move, all she did was stand by and watch. Watched as its body dissipated and left behind Miklan and that lance. To think it had to come this far. To think Miklan had ended up like Maurice…

**Would she too?**

* * *

  
  
  


“You haven’t slept.” Sylvain whispered and scooted over next to her, as the carriage took the blue lions home. He hadn’t either, clearly, this must have been such a draining day for the poor guy.

“I can’t stop thinking about it.” Marianne shook. Her body hadn’t stopped doing that since they left the tower. Maybe it was the crest inside of her trying to escape and kill. To turn just like Miklan. She couldn’t tell what was going on with herself anymore. It was like her body  _ wanted _ to murder, still in attack mode.

“Yeah… It’s not easy. It never gets any easier, actually. Sorry you had to do that.” Sylvain said as if he hadn’t had to do it to his own kin. Goddess, shouldn’t he be the one upset?

“Don’t be sorry.” She stifled a sob.

“No, I am, sincerely…” What for? It was just who she was.

“This isn’t about me, I- Miklan, your brother… Don’t you feel, um…”

“Upset? Yeah. But I won’t accomplish much by sitting here and crying. It’s better to just keep a face up, you know?” And she knew, knew what he was talking about. Knew how hard it was to do it. She couldn’t even begin to pretend to be normal. Not an animal like her.

“It wouldn’t change the fact that I acted so irrationally, people got injured because of what I did, and I-”

“Killed. I know it doesn’t get any easier to take lives, but, that’s the world we live in.” Sylvain’s voice dripped with some sort of sorrow, despite the mask he had of a smile. She wished she could be there for him at the very least. Why was she so selfish? This wasn’t about her, yet she was the one being all sad. She was the one who got their soldiers hurt. She didn’t deserve to even feel suffering.

“I was being foolish. I put people in danger… I told you I’m not good enough.” She whimpers, trying so, so hard not to shed tears. People were sleeping. They deserved the rest.

“I don’t think that’s a good way to put it. You’re still here, and so is everyone else, aren’t you happy that you’re alive?”

Happy? How in the hell could she be happy when others were dead at her hands. When Dimitri got hurt. When she saw what happened to Miklan. One day her crest would take her too, and she’d destroy everything she ever loved. She’d become a monster.

“No, I’m not.” She blurted out in such a strong way, both swore the carriage shook.

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...Marianne…” Sylvain choked out. Why he felt so pitiful towards her, she’d never understand.

“Please. That’s quite enough.” She mumbles, casting her face down. She couldn’t look him in the eyes, not anymore. Not when she had the face of a monster.


	6. A Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That? It was just a scratch. A small price to pay for your safety.”
> 
> “But…” Any price was too large for her life. 
> 
> “I would never regret helping an ally, even if it meant losing my own life.”

“Marianne?” Spoke the prince. Why was he in the cathedral now? She never saw him here before. “Oh. Dimitri.”

“I'm sorry for disturbing your prayer.” He bowed a bit.

“There's no need to apologize. I just finished.” She lied. She’d finish it later.

“I see. What were you praying for?” What a loaded question. Many, many things. But she couldn’t answer honestly, not after what happened with Sylvain.

“I was simply asking the goddess… For forgiveness.” She had, actually, but she knew in truth a monster like her could never be forgiven.

“Forgiveness? For what?” He asked in a stupid manner. Sometimes he was more clueless than she.

“I put our soldiers in danger during the recent battle.” Her presence had put everyone in danger. It’d be better if she was gone.

“What matters is that they came back safely in the end. You shouldn't blame yourself for that.” How couldn’t she? It was all because of her. All because of her crest. Anyone who got near, they’d just meet a terrible fate. “It's true, but... You were injured when you came to our aid.” And if he’d stay around he’d meet the same fate as the men at the end of her lance.

“That? It was just a scratch. A small price to pay for your safety.”

“But…” Any price was too large for her life. 

“I would never regret helping an ally, even if it meant losing my own life.”

“No, no. That's wrong.” It’s wrong. He didn’t say that, he shouldn’t have. No, no, no.

“How so?” He dared just ask.

“It's just all wrong. You have my thanks for helping in the battle, Dimitri. But I'm afraid I have to ask that you keep your distance from me.” He couldn’t die for her. She wouldn’t let him. He wouldn’t let her terrible crest take his life.

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“Forgive me, but I will be there for you. Whether you want me to or not.” A foolish decision.

“I'm sorry…” She huffed before walking off, not daring to let anyone even do as much as bump into her. It was… All too much. It just wasn’t worth it to keep going. It wasn’t worth it to be here anymore. All she was doing was putting people in danger. She was just a beast, everywhere she went misfortune followed and-

“Marianne…” “There you are, Marianne.” She heard from two different voices at once, and upon whipping her head around was greeted by Sylvain and… Hilda. Oh no. Why was she here?

“Marianne, is everything okay?” Hilda pouted, she seemed quite concerned, but, so did everyone else.

“Yes…” Her head shook. It wasn’t okay, why did they come for her?

“Marianne, you skipped class, you had everyone so worried.” She sighed. Of course she sighed. She must have been fed up with her by now. “I don’t know what happened on the mission, so I can’t say much, but it’s not good to be so avoidant of people, we’ve all been so worried about you.” Worried? About her? They should be worried about themselves.  **She’s dangerous.**

“And what you said to me last night…” Sylvain scratched the back of his head. He didn’t-

“You… You told Hilda?” She yelped.

“No, no!” He quickly spoke up to try and mend the situation.

“What happened last night?” Hilda was quick to interject.

“...”

“...”

“Um… Not my business. Got it.” Hilda mumbled, seemingly hurt by the fact she wasn’t included in what had been getting on Marianne’s mind.

“Please you guys, you shouldn’t worry over me.”

“If you say-”

“How can’t I” Sylvain interrupts. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t… Leave you alone. What you said was pretty concerning.”

Hilda’s foot taps the gravel repeatedly, and Sylvain sits by and waits for a response. She had to do something, at least say something to ease their minds, she’d have to pray repentance for lying later. “I’m fine. I’m just… Still a little scared over what happened to Miklan.”

Seiros, she hated the silence.

“Well… Alright. But can you spend the day with me or at least Hilda so I can ease my mind? Please?” He depressingly spoke. Poor Sylvain, trying to keep all of that inside. Very well, it’s the least she could do for him right now, he deserved better than to worry over her.

“Um, I’ll be over in a bit Hilda, okay?”

“Okay.” She nods, before walking back to her room.

“Promise me you’ll do it?” Sylvain sighs a bit as he takes her hand. She didn’t have the strength to pull away.

“Okay.”

Sylvain smiles before walking off as well. She had hoped now nothing terrible would befall him, after all that had happened in Fraldarius. She knew he had to stay away, but part of her found herself shockingly charmed by how much he cared.

It made her feel just a bit human.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
